A place of comforting respite for the weary rump:
For the information and benefit of all concerned
As it has been through the eons of monkey and sapien civilization, we had to sit somewhere, where nothing would crawl into our loin cloth or steal us of our warmth.
It’s like in the story with the rock, snake and man, where one day a peaceful snake decided to rest upon a rock under the jovial sun, until an evil man crawled to the snake and bit it ferociously, leaving the rock with a severe case of PTSD and the snake with an incurable disease.
Definition
So the chair was invented for purposes of putting rump, spine or a body for resting periods without the dangers of the prior mentioned. It was first noted by ancient Egyptians for use by their god-kings, and evolved from their low, ornate calved design into the multitude of species we see today.
John was fed up with his old chair because of its eaten cushion, something he put the blame on the overgrown rats that inhabited the spaces between the block’s piping.
The center was tilted to the side, and since he already had to carry great weight around himself most the time, this additional torture on his lower back was just no longer worth it.
Therefore he decided to go to a place where he’d find the most up-to-date chairs the industry could offer. Sure, he knew the prices would be rather discomforting, but he needed his lumbar medicine.
He didn’t want to risk a 2nd hand one, since it could surely have the rotten properties and possibilities of becoming just like his own.
So John went on his way to the big corporate shop, where products of all kinds of utilities were splattered on shelves upon shelves.
Interest developed in the new gasoline (napalm?) cans, but he had to look forward to his goals and not distract himself with foolish un-necessities.
When a worker came and introduced himself as Stan, and spoke to encourage a sale, John remembered the wobble his current chair gave, with one of the four legs never being upon the ground of his hastily built apartment.
He recalled his childhood, and the three-legged stool his grandmother would have him to sit upon, and that it never wobbled, even if the ground curved like an escrow’s backyard.
He asked for where the three-legged options were to be bought, and Stan threw some excuse about the center of gravity needing to be within the reach of the chairs, and that an extra leg increased the reach and made it far harder to tip the chair over.
When an object’s center of gravity extends beyond the base, it is no longer ‘stable’ and will fall over. The center of gravity is the point around which the weight may be considered to act.
A chair with five legs has more area, and so a larger base, than a chair with three legs. Most chairs have four legs out of lack of necessity for a fifth, while office chairs have a fifth leg to compensate for their ability to move, allowing one to lean a great distance or slide around quickly without toppling over.
Stan pushed him towards the five-wheeled chairs displayed as the center piece, and he promised that, even if it wobbled on uneven cement, it was the most stable option for its radius of wheels.
The wheels would help move back from the desk’s surface to make standing possible without the succession of bunny hops. But the mention of price gave John’s face to melt. [Insert Indiana Johns face melt]
They were better than his decade-old one, but there really wasn’t that much difference in the price-to-quality ratio. [sits down]
John wasn’t interested in Stan’s suggestions of credit and newsletters, and flapped his hand away, but the spell didn’t work. Then the words, of what he was doing, rang in his ears.
John attempted the spell again, only to notice Stan glaring at his pockets. [a grenade had fallen out as he sat down]
The disrespect made him stand up and point defense at the insulting eyes. After all, he was here to buy a chair, not to be stared at his pockets! [he stands and quickly puts it back in his pocket]
But then the line was crossed as Stan asked to see what was in there. There was no greater insult for John than this, and guilt filled his arms that he hadn’t brought his heavy friend with him.
Next thing he knew was being wrestled to the ground by security guards and thrown out the corporate shop.
He knew what he was doing tonight for sure [flames in his eyes close-up].
Alternatives
He was forced to find himself a 2nd hand chair and this led him to a run-down neighborhood with this awful old house. The guy led him to this deep basement where he was given a choice to choose from all these dusty chairs.
At least he had choice and wasn’t being… Again, the guy was looking at his pockets and the struggle to contain his temperament leaked in the twitch of his lips. Good thing was no questions were asked, and he managed to make a choice deemed good.
Proper lumbar support, easily sliding wheels, no screeching, no smell and well-worn artificial leather.
He was the happiest he had been since November 1955, and putting flames in the corporate monster didn’t seem to be a priority. All he had to do was to deal with the rat problem in his closet.
[Chair breaks down without commentary]
Conclusion
Apparently the risk of the alluring second hand ran deep into the constructs of any materials, belongings or furniture.
Betrayed once more, John could no longer find peace in his sleeplessness. Driven by the need to make those who had tricked him to repent, all he could now trust was his canisters of pressure and trigger fingers of fire.
